Changing

Day 32

Days to go: 333

Miles Walked: 36

Miles to go: 964

 

Things are changing.

For one thing, I’m now 39 years old – right at the threshold of 40.  

My birthday was Saturday, and it was good.  I spent the day with three good friends doing my favorite things around Oklahoma City, and ended the day with several more friends gathered for fellowship and good conversation.  Days just don’t get much better than that.

Early in the day, I stepped on a scale.  I hadn’t done that along this journey so far, because I don’t want weight loss to be the motivation for This Walk.  My primary desire has to be to know Jesus.  Any weight loss, any improvements to my physical appearance – well, those things just have to be His business, not mine.  I want to experience Him and trust Him first, above all things.

I’ve been pretty transparent in this blog, and I see no reason to change that now.  So I’m going to throw an ugly number at you.  At my highest weight, which was sometime last March, I was at 337 pounds.  That’s big for anyone – but for this 5’4” girl, that number was especially daunting.

Saturday morning, on my 39^th birthday, that number had changed.  The scale silently and joyfully proclaimed that I am now at 302 pounds.  35 pounds have disappeared! Some of that weight loss happened before This Walk began. Jesus had already begun to talk to me about my food issues, and I had made some gradual changes.  But much of it has happened along this journey. And I just gotta say, Wow.  Thank you, Jesus.  What an incredible birthday present!

I’ve been over 300 pounds for about half a decade. I’m now so close to the “less than 300” mark, I can almost taste it. I have to admit, it’s been so tempting to weigh again every day since Saturday – but I’m not going to.  

I know myself. It’s way too easy to let the scale dictate how I’m doing on this journey, and to let any ups and downs I see on the scale render a verdict on my value.  I can’t have that.  I don’t believe the Lord wants that either…so I’m just going to keep walking with Him, and I’ll let Him decide when I should take my next peek at the scale.

Another change became apparent as I moved throughout the day on Saturday.  My friends and I went to the Myriad Gardens, to the Oklahoma City National Memorial, to the Oklahoma City Art Museum, and to Lake Hefner.  At various points I was walking along only to find that I was walking alone and the rest of the group was quite a distance behind me.  At one point, a dear friend took a moment alone with me to say, “Ok, Miss Energetic.  You might want to slow down a little so we can all keep up.”

THAT, my friends, is a first.  Normally, in social settings when any walking at all is involved, I am completely anxious and fearful because I have to walk at my quickest pace and that is never fast enough for the group. I find myself huffing and puffing until conversation becomes impossible – and even then I am still lagging way behind.  Inevitably, I end up feeling smothered by shame as I become convinced that the entire group is appalled at my lack of stamina and my terrible physical condition. 

Saturday, I just felt joy. Pure, unbridled, head-to-toe joy.  As we ate lunch, I hardly gave the food on my plate a thought – I was caught up in conversation, so aware of the love and friendship that was around that table.  As we walked, I was taking in my surroundings and the fantastic company.  Ahh…could this be early glimpses of the freedom He has promised?

Yes, things are changing.

As wonderful as it is, it isn’t enough. Frankly, there are so many things I want to change right now.  I want to improve and deepen the relationships I have with my immediate and extended family.  I want to forge new friendships and trust the ones I have more fully. I want to love better.

I want to know more about the Lord, about what He is up to. I want to find new ways to be a part of what He is doing in the world.

I want to leave the world of self employment and find a traditional job that will give me a steady and sufficient income. I’m hopeful that job will include writing in some capacity. I love to string sentences together.

Yes, there are a lot of things that still need to change.  But more than anything, I have to keep my eyes on Jesus. I have to know Him.  He knows how to take this broken life and put it back together again. The best part of all of this is…He is doing just that. 

36 miles are behind me now.  There are a lot more ahead.  But This Walk is so good, and no matter what the coming miles bring, I am learning that walking with Jesus is bringing me to life in ways I could never have predicted or hoped for.

It makes me think of my favorite moment from a favorite movie, “Dreamgirls”.  Disregard the Spanish subtitles – it’s the only video I could post here.

Sing it, Effie!

Yes, things are definitely changing!

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